Worldbuilding, Part 2 (or how I learned to love bad reviews)
On 28 Dec, 2012 By mpm
If you've read any of my books, you'll know that I'm one of those science fiction authors with a non-traditional perspective that comes through loud and clear. In some cases, the worlds I build (Castiti is a good example) are basically the kinds of worlds I'd love to live in. In the Casitian Universe series in particular, the core of the conflict has to do with the conflict between different ideas of how human beings should live. I try my best to have the complexity come out (like the Casitians get very annoying at some points... because they are, after all, human beings,) and I work hard at not having the bad guys be too one-dimensional (although it happens, sometimes.)
I've learned, however, through a failed experiment where I had my books on Amazon for free for a while, that some people hate my books because of my perspective. Here's one example, from an Amazon review:
This book made no sense. it's a couple hundred pages talking about how awesome socialist bisexual aliens are. Quick recap: aliens arrive to liberate dolphins and make humans stop damaging the earth. they force changes upon the world. the world gets split into factions for and against the aliens. in the end, it's decided that the people who don't trust the aliens because they're socialist, believe in no long term relationships and haven't created anything for themselves in 1000 years have to leave the earth. maybe i'm just not catching the social/political undertones but it just seemed to be a defense of being tolerant(not a bad thing) encased in a story that could be summed up in about 17 words with very little to do with sci-fi.
So the headline of this review is "far from a scifi novel." It's kinda funny to me, because even if one hated the book (for whatever reason) it's still science fiction. It has aliens, and space travel, and other worlds and... And of course, this person completely missed all of the complexity of the culture clash. I had a few other reviews like this. One titled "Author --> heterosexual relationships do exist." There are at least two heterosexual couples in that book, but I guess because the main characters are queer, they missed that part! Anyway, I do try to pick out of reviews like this things that are important to make sure I work on. I'm a greeat plot developer, and love worldbuilding, but my character development needs some work. If someone in a review like this (where their own social and political ideas are obvious) says the book is "boring" I try to figure out whether that is just because of their perspective, or because maybe I'm not moving the plot along fast enough, or going deeply enough in some way. There are weakness I know about, and I hope I get better each book I write.
I make no apologies about my writing. I write a lot of queer characters (most often where being queer is completely incidental, which really bugs some people). I write strong female characters, and gentle male characters. I like to think up new and interesting family structures, and new and interesting economic and political systems. I like to wonder what it would be like if the underlying ethics of a society were equality, environmental sustainability, mutual aid, and compassion. I like to minimize violence, death and destruction (it happens in almost every book at some point, but it's never gratuitous, or the point of the plot.)
So actually, if some people hate my books, I think perhaps I'm doing it right.
The Joy of Worldbuilding
On 21 Dec, 2012 By mpm With 1 Comments
I love making
stuff up. I guess that's why I'm a science fiction writer. It really
makes me really happy to think about new ways the world could be, or new
worlds that are completely different than the one we live in. I have as
yet to write a novel that has no human beings, but perhaps that will
happen. But I have written a fair bit that includes alien perspectives,
or at least alien characters that get their stories told. As a former
biologist, one of my favorite things to do is to make up alien
ecosystems and life forms.
But as fun as making this up are, there are some rules that I try my best to follow. I do, for sure, include a little bit of handwaving, because it is impossible to know for sure how things would really turn out, but I do try to limit that to a minimum. I try to basically follow the laws of biology, physics and chemistry. Actually, I think that following some rules is a good thing - it makes specific limits, and limits can actually be good for creativitiy. Instead of a completely blank slate, you get some helpful parameters. If a planet has less gravity, that has consequences, both on humans, and on the evolution of life on a planet (animals can be larger, for instance.) If a planet is significantly hotter, or colder, than Earth, that also has consequences on the evolutionary process. As does the day length, or the length of seasons, if any, or the number of moons (tidal processes get really interesting).That kind of stuff is just a lot of fun to think about.
The Casitian Universe series are set on Earth, and on two other planets, both human populated (with no intelligent alien life.) There is intelligent alien life in the galaxy, and some of those stories are told, but it's not very central to the plot. The first alien species I had to invent in some detail are the Kurool, the aliens that are center-stage of the new series, the Cassiopeia Chronicles (the first book is out, it's called The Right Asteroid). The Kurool were fun to design. They are intelligent herbivores, with six limbs (four legs and two arms). Because they evolved as herbivores, they have very large ears, and eyes, to look out for predators. They use arsenic in place of Phosphorus in their biological processes and genetic material, and they use ammonia for metabolism, along with oxygen.
The other fun part of worldbuilding is thinking up both human futures, as well as ways that human beings could have, or might, end up differently than we are today. I make up different kinds of relationship patterns (the Casitians are a great example.) In a book called "Becoming Queen" that I hope to publish early next year, I have a very, very different marriage style.
I think what's also interesting about worldbuilding is that I know that my perspectives, both political and social, are made pretty clear in the worlds I build. Violent, exploitative species don't fare so well. Peaceful ones do. Social norms are a lot different than the ones we have right now. I like telling stories that explore and expose different ways of living, and ways that humans can live out our most loving, peaceful selves. But of course, that doesn't always happen, and that's also interesting - diving into the wreck of human frailties is neat, too.
New Blog: Observations and Reflections {#new-blog-observations-and-reflections .blogTitle}
On 23 Nov, 2012 By mpm
I've been a blogger consistently almost 10 years now. That's a long time - longer than most bloggers have been around. I have had a lot of different blogs, too. In 2005, I actually had 3 blogs going: a regular blog, a technology blog, and a ministry blog. I retired the ministry blog when I left seminary, and retired the technology blog last year, and replaced it with an author blog, which I write in now and again. But I felt like I wanted a place to write a bit more deeply, to delve into the issues of the day in a balanced, reflective, and sometimes spiritual way. So I decided to re-launch Metacentricities. The word metacenter, which means, in a literal sense: "The point of intersection between a vertical line through the center of buoyancy of a floating body such as a ship and a vertical line." But I think of it in a bigger way - Meta - meaning "about" and "center" meaning the core - I'm talking about what's deep, what's important.Anyway, check it out. I hope to blog at least once a week.
The End of an Era
On 08 Oct, 2012 By mpm
I moved to Oakland in September of 2008, for a number of reasons. Some were very clear to me, others didn't become clear until years later. I'd learned a little about Oakland in my 18 months in seminary in Berkeley, from forays to Oakland for hanging out, events and the White Horse, of course. I met Ruth in Oakland - she is a long-time Oaklander.
Being in Oakland for four years was formative, transformative, and healing emotionally and spiritually. Sadly, it turned out that it wasn't at all healing physically, but I'll get to that later. In Oakland I was finally able to live into all of who I am - this queer, black, quirky, intellectual, web geek, theologian-monk, scientist, science fiction fan and writer
Of course, I've always been (or at least, for a long time) all of those things. But it has been in Oakland that I really could see with my own eyes, and get to know a lot of people who were "in my tribe"--that is being black, and choosing to be "alternative" (crunchy-spiritual/queer/hippie/punk.) I finally wasn't alone anymore! Being black and intellectual was easy--I grew up with that. But the culture I grew up in is different than the culture I adopted in my early twenties, and for the first time, I got to be among many others who'd made that same choice--or something like it.
An example: One of the first weeks I was here, I remember going to Farmer Joe's on Fruitvale, and walking by a black lesbian couple getting out of their Prius. And they had Birkenstocks on--or were they Keens? Anyway, you get the drift. And then I walked into the store to see this black lesbian who was way more pierced and tattooed that I could ever imagine being (and I have my fair share of both.) And there were even more people in the store that day who seemed like they were "like me." I felt like in a way I was "home." And subsequent trips to the supermarket, farmer's market, and events cemented that understanding. It's not that I couldn't be all of these things in Western Mass. But in Western Mass, I know of fewer total people "like me" than were in that Farmer Joe's that one day. And somehow, knowing that, being in Oakland opened up the possibilities. I mean, in what other place would I feel pretty normal getting the mohawk haircut I sported recently? And in what other place would it seem ho-hum to the barber? And, in what other place would there be barbers in the black community that are friendly to lesbians who like masculine haircuts? (Not that this is universal in Oakland, but it is not uncommon.)
And, I could partake in some really cool spiritual communities that could not exist anywhere else but Oakland. Communities that fed my soul in untold ways. Oakland is where I finally got to sit in meditation with other queer Buddhists of color (EBMC), after years of sitting (and even then, from only occasional offerings) with queer groups who were largely, or entirely white *or* people of color, who were largely, or entirely straight. Oakland is where I got to be deeply involved in a progressive, queer-friendly, Christian spiritual community that defies Martin Luther King's statement about "Sunday being the most segregated day of the week." (FCCO) Oakland is where I got to be a part of justice-seeking communities that try (and largely succeed) to cross racial and class lines (SOTS & SFO.) Oakland is where I got to live in a great intentional spiritual community, WORSHP house.
In these last four years, I've matured as a person, my spiritual practice has matured, and I've matured as a writer. I've come to understand better my calling in the world, my reasons for living. I am a better person leaving Oakland than I was when I moved there. But being in the city took its physical and psychological toll on me. The daily grind of just being around so many people, the noise (cars, sirens, helicopters, angry people yelling outside of the house), the perceptions of danger (two murders in a week within a block of the house), and the stress of living among so many people who are in varied states of distress and suffering eventually just became too much for me to stand. I got emotionally stressed and physically ill, and the only thing that's keeping me well is not being in the city.
I've never been much of a city person, really. Although I grew up in NY suburbs, I spent every summer from when I was six to fifteen outside of the city in nature. I chose a college that was in rural Vermont, and I did live in the suburbs of Cleveland, OH for six years, but followed that up with two years in northern, rural-ish Colorado, and almost eighteen years in Western Massachusetts. I'm sort of surprised, in retrospect, that I lasted as long as I did, but I think it was indeed the community that did it for me
I'm very sad that I don't get to have both the close to nature quiet that I seem to require, and the community, too--but somehow, that's just not the way this country is organized. For a variety of historical reasons, the rural parts of the US are largely white (and in some cases latino), except for the south (where I could never live for the obvious reasons, along with hating humid heat.) I don't quite know why there aren't well-integrated enclaves including plenty of hippie/queer blacks in rural Northern California, but there aren't (you'd think that if any state had them, California would.) So, I get to be one of a few among many again--a role that is not always comfortable, but is at least very familiar
Oakland will always remain in my heart. I'll always be interested in the state and progress of Oakland, even when I'm not living there, and I expect to be in town regularly. I still love Oakland, all of what it is, and what I can imagine it becoming. It is, of course, like most cities, troubled, and it has a long way to go. But it has so much going for it, and so many dedicated people who care deeply about it, and work to make it a better place. I won't be one of them, but I'll be rooting for Oakland always.
And, I hope my Oaklander and SF friends looking for space and time out of the city will visit, wherever we end up.
This. Country. Is. Crazy.
On 13 Aug, 2012 By mpm With 2 Comments
Yesterday, I'm sitting in my room in Oakland, and I hear a series of gunshots very close to my house. I look out of the windows, but don't see much. The police block off the street, and apparently, someone was at least gravely injured, but I haven't heard details. But of course, this was only one of many incidents of gun violence, in Oakland, in Californai, and in the United States.
The US has the highest rate of gun violence of any industrialized western nation, and also, by far the most lenient gun regulations. The evidence is incontrovertable: where there are more guns, there is more gun violence. This is true by country, as well as comparing states within the US. Of course, it shouldn't take a Ph.D., a tenure-track job, and a grant to tell you that.
But here's the crazy part. Even given the number and publicity of mass shootings in the US, people still mostly don't really like gun control. In fact, only 29% of people surveyed most recently think that we should ban the possesion of handguns. 29%. Remember, you don't shoot deer or ducks with handguns. Handguns are only used to shoot other people.
So what is it? Why is it that more than 2/3 of people think it should be OK for people to own something whose only purpose is to injure or kill other people? Why is this at all sane? And given that political reality, nothing is going to be done. Obama has been pretty lukewarm about the whole thing, and I won't even bother to talk about what Romney said. Some states where there is more public support for strict gun laws, have them (and have less gun violence as a result.) But nothing really is going to happen at the federal level with the lack of support for strong gun laws than is currently present in the US.
What is it going to take for us to move away from a culture of violence, where it seems sane to own guns, sane to make them, and sane to sell them?
One of my favorite science fiction writers, Marion Zimmer Bradley, in her Darkover series, had a unique, and I think intelligent answer to all of this. There was a rule about weapons, and that rule was that you only could have weapons that put you in as much risk of injury as the person you were attacking. Short swords and knives only. And pretty much everyone carried them, and trained how to use them. No bows, and no projectile weapons.
I guess if we have to admit that human beings are violent, then perhaps that's the best answer. It seems (almost) sane. But the current state of the US in terms of guns and gun laws is not.
Scarcity Consciousness, Disintermediation, Piracy, and Being a Writer
On 30 Jul, 2012 By mpm With 2 Comments
This blog entry comes from an interesting discussion (both on and off-list) that has been going on the Broad Universe email list. It started with someone posting about a site that pirates ebooks. I'll start out by saying that I am not trying to make a living as a writer, and making money at writing was never my goal or intent. This is not to say that I would mind making a living being a writer. In fact, I'd very much like that. But I write because I am compelled to tell the stories that come through me, and my characters threaten me with all sorts of bad fates if I don't write them. I write science fiction that goes against the grain - there is not a ton of violence or serious kinds of blow-em-up action, and it's not work that non-progressive readers like very much (I know this for a fact.) Further, in these days of disintermediation, one has to spend a lot of time and energy into putting oneself out there if one is going to make a living writing (unless one is already a star.) I have zero (actually, an aversion, so that means less than zero) interest in dealing with those sorts of things on a regular basis, so barring miraculous circumstances (still waiting for one) I'll live my life scraping by on half-time work so that I can spend as much time as I can staying healthy and writing.
This fact may influence my thoughts on this, so take it with whatever grains of salt you'd like, if your situation is different.
The idea is this, if people pirate my ebooks, that's a bad thing because I'll make less money on my ebooks. There are several flaws in this reasoning, from the macro, to the micro. First, the micro: very few people who will pirate my ebook would have spent the money on it anyway. Unlike movies and music, where it is often easier to see/hear something via a pirating method rather than one that you've paid for, with ebooks, it is the exact opposite. People who go out of their way to read pirated ebooks probably would not have spent the \$ to buy mine.
Then there is the little bit more macro: does pirating really hurt artists? I think the jury is still out on that one. It has been said that the biggest enemy for artists is obscurity, and one could easily argue that my book in more hands is only a good thing. The sister/partner/uncle who hears about my book from the pirater is a sale I got that I would not have gotten otherwise. The most obvious entities that pirating hurts are the intermediaries. You know, the ones that make money off of artists. And artists are increasingly going directly to their fans, and this is not the sort of atmosphere that fosters pirating - pirating is fostered most in the atmosphere of limited and expensive distribution, and distance between artist and fan.
Then there is the issue of general attitude. I don't ascribe closely to a lot of new-agey stuff, but some of it has nuggets of useful wisdom. I don't go around accusing people of having "scarcity consciousness" because to my mind that concept has too much implicit "blame the victim," i.e. if you don't have "abundance" in your life, you aren't doing it right. But I do think that the general model we have in this society for art is very much based on a scarcity consciousness, an idea of a zero-sum game. So if the pirates get my book, that's fewer people who paid - as if that's a very specifically finite resource.
I have definitely decided, in terms of my writing, to follow the maxim "be the change you want to see in the world." I would like a world in which art (including writing, music, film, theater, visual art, etc.) is freely available to all, and all can partake of it as they'd like, and without regards to their financial capacity. And, the other side, is that artists are able to do their art, and be sustained in at least a reasonable fashion by making art. The second part of the equation I contribute to by contributing to a few Kickstarter campaigns and the like as I can afford to (and, of course, buying books.) I can contribute most, however, to the first part of the equation. Which is why even though my books are for sale, I also give them away free, and they are licensed with a Creative Commons license, which gives other artists the freedom to riff off of my work, as long as I am attributed. (I bet, if someone really likes my work, and makes a film from one of my books, I'm going to benefit big time, even if I didn't "sell the rights" to them.)
Also, by the way, there is at least one science fiction writer who does make a living from selling Creative Commons licensed books: Cory Doctorow. He might still be the exception that proves the rule, but I hope not forever.
Beasts of the Southern Wild
On 28 Jul, 2012 By mpm With 1 Comments
I don't usually review movies on my blog, but here's a second in a row. I think if I'd seen a more balanced set of views on this movie before I saw it, I'd not bother to write this (then again, I probably would not have bothered to see the film.) So first, let me get some things out of the way. The cinematography of the film was indeed spectacular, as was the acting of the all-novice cast, especially and particularly the performance of Quvenzhané Wallis, whose 6-year old capacity was simply amazing. I do hope that this film is the beginning of a long and fruitful career for her, if that's what she wants to do with her life. If that was all that I was going to judge the movie on, it definitely deserves all of the accolades and awards it has gotten. Perhaps that is what most people judge the movie on.
Spoiler Alert: If you haven't seen the film, and plan to, you might not want to read any further.
But the core story of the movie is deeply flawed. If you strip away the cinematography, magical realism, and amazing acting, what's left is a grim, grimy, sad, traumatic catastrophe of a childhood, twisted by the filmmaker into somehow a noble experience. It was like watching child abuse happen in real time. Hushpuppy is neglected, physically abused, bullied, and given alcohol. Oh, what fun! Obviously, her resilience and capacity given her experience is extraordinary, but should that be the point of the film? You watch lives shaped by deep injustice, and the feeling that is foisted on you is one of "yes, she's a plucky kid, a noble survivor of a terrible situation, and those plucky people choose their fate," rather than what you should really feel, which is "why on earth in this country of extraordinary wealth do we allow people live in situations like that?"
Yes, there are real choices made by the characters in this film, but they aren't choices that they should have to make--they are the choices dealt to them by an injust society. Yes, they chose to stay in their incredibly vulnerable housing during a hurricane (theoretically Katrina, or something a lot like it,) and they choose to leave the evacuation center to go back home. But were those really choices, or just being impoverished and in danger at home is better than being impoverished and in danger among strangers?
The filmmaker allows you to walk out of the film feeling OK about the whole thing, because a charming, precocious 6-year old stared down some big, nasty beasties (aurocs) with horns. You get to walk out of the film feeling OK about the whole thing because that plucky community decided to make their own way, rather than depend upon the outside help that is portrayed as sterile, impersonal, other (not that it isn't, but I think you're getting my drift.) You get to walk out of the film feeling OK, and appreciate this "allegory of marginal people's resilience". Duh. Of course marginal people are resilient. If they weren't resilient they would be dead! Why is it that we seem to need to keep seeing this over and over again?
And speaking of that plucky community, it is a bit strange to me, frankly, that it is portrayed as such an interracial community. It's hard to buy, and it feels a little suspicious to me--as if the director realized that a film about a community that was truly representative of what "The Bathtub" would be (i.e. all black) would somehow be open to more criticism than one portrayed the way it was.
One review said: "As a piece of filmmaking, it remains so satisfyingly bizarre, it makes its detractors seem imaginatively stunted while leaving even its admirers guessing." Count me imaginatively stunted.
Don't forget capitalism
On 24 Jul, 2012 By mpm
I was reading this op-ed peice about the tragedy in Colorado. It's a good and balanced view of the politics around gun control. I think it's reasonable, and deals with the fact that for the most part, both sides talk past each other. But he mentions, then sort of discards something important. A quote:
"The online ads for drum magazines make one's skin crawl. On a site called Woot! a 100-round magazine was advertised for \$99.95: "Just the ticket, should things really heat up and the lead needs to fly. Of course, this means less time spent reloading, and more time for shooting as fast as you can pull the trigger."
He doesn't go into any more detail about the one thing people seem to be missing. A lot of people make shitloads of money from people who buy guns and ammunition. And unless that is looked at squarely, the argument between these two sets of ideas: "let's have some control over the guns and ammunition that people can buy" and "my gun will be taken from my cold, dead hands" aren't going to go anywhere useful. The real interests (i.e. money) behind the NRA and those who don't want any gun control aren't the types you usually think of who think the second amendment is the most important part of the constitution. Most of it comes from people who make and sell the stuff. A lot of the stuff. The manufacturers alone make \$6 billion a year. Who knows how much everyone else (importers, retailers, wholesalers, etc.) makes. Here's a study which shows that the NRA is bankrolled by the people that make their money in guns and ammo. Here's some background on what big donors get for giving big money to the NRA. And then, if you want to weep, here's how the NRA spends its money politically.
Yes, Colorado happened because someone who was probably mentally ill, or at least in deep, deep distress and suffering, pulled triggers. But the fact that he had guns and ammo at all is because someone who stood to gain monetarily made an investment in the NRA, and people could make money selling him those weapons. Follow the money.
Bifurcated Life
On 22 Jul, 2012 By mpm
I'm one of those people, you know, the people with a "country home." Of course, my primary home is a room in a collective house, and I share the cute, little "country house", but still. Right now, I feel like I'm living a bifurcated life.
I spend most of my time in West Oakland. West Oakland where the view is of houses, a few trees, and the recycler dragging his four carts full of bottles and cans down the middle of our street. Where the most common things to hear are car alarms, the sirens of the police car speeding down the street on the way to who-knows-what, the loud rap music from a Lexus with very large wheels and irridescent paint, or a woman screaming into her cell phone to someone else. As I drive into West Oakland, the cranes share the skyline with the buildings of downtown. Below me as I drive on the elevated highway are the acres of warehouses and fields full of cargo containers.
I spend about 1/4 of my time in Healdsburg, at a small cabin up in some hills where pretty much all there is is trees, sun, and a not-that-often-used dirt road outside a high fence. Yes, there is the occasional car going by, but mostly, what I hear is the sound of cicadas, the quail couples talking to each other, the buzzing of bees at the lavender plants, and my own breath. As I drive the roads to the cabin, there are trees in the skyline, and pastures and vineyards spread out as far as the eye can see.
It's hard to imagine two different places--they might well be separate planets. While I was in the country, stuff happened. And the only reason I heard about it was that the dial-up service that Ruth uses pushes headlines at her. But it somehow didn't seem real, didn't quite touch me until I got back to the city. Somehow, it seems more real, more like it could happen to me. When I was in the country, it seemed almost unimaginable.
Although doing this dance back and forth is sometimes taxing, there seems to be a richness in it right now. A richness of experience, a richness of understanding how each changes my internal landscape, and the way I feel. And right now, that richness seems the right thing.
The relationship of science to science fiction
On 15 Jul, 2012 By mpm
Since I've been a sci-fi fan for a long time, and since I've actually been a scientist, I've always been interested in the relationship between science and science fiction. An old colleague of mine from Hampshire thought we should do a course on this, and I'm sure it would have been a great course. As a science fiction writer, I generally try really hard to follow basic science, even when it might be inconvenient.
I saw Prometheus a couple of nights ago. I don't generally critique SF movies on my blog, but I thought I'd talk about this one, because some elements of it bugged me so much. Spoilers ahead, so if you haven't seen the movie, don't keep reading.
I tend to like SF that includes the idea that we really can't travel faster than the speed of light. All of my work obeys this, although like many writers, I do some handwaving in the Casitian Universe (and another upcoming novel) by talking about using wormholes (or jumpgates) to do interstellar travel. There is some real physics behind it, and it seems to be more plausible than, for instance, warp drive (there is, at the current time, no physics that would explain that.) But one could have interesting arguments about that likelihood that we would develop a faster-than-light drive. I do like it that the Prometheus took 2 years to get to their destination, and had to use stasis/cryosleep (which does sometimes seem like a stretch, but is basically plausible, I think.) And I do think the basic idea of the "engineers" being the source of our DNA was pretty interesting., and one which has been explored before.
But the whole thing with the "biological weapon" that was a weird slimy alien makes very little biological sense. You have two things going on - those "vases" full of the biological agent somehow get opened, and stuff pours out of them, and these creatures then sort of develop out of this oozy stuff. Perhaps there are eggs inside, and the oozy stuff is nutrients. OK, that works. But then just a drop of this oozy stuff infects Charlie. what's that about? And he has sex with Elizabeth and she something growing inside her 10 hours later - something that was big enough that if it grew that fast, it should have basically killed her in those 10 hours. And then, once she takes it out, it grows in just a few hours, without any nutrients of any kind, large enough to kill the engineer. C'mon, biology just doesn't work that way - you can't make mass out of nothing! Then, the Alien that is born from the engineer is different than the alien that killed it. I guess one could handwave around dna recombination or some such - but after the previous stretches, it just seemed even more of a stretch.
I liked the basic premise of the story, and it is quite interesting, but I hate it how so many science fiction movies play way too fast and loose with the science, just for some thrills and (slimy) chills. I guess as a basically hard-sf writer, I at least want a little bit of explanation of the handwaving done, rather than simply making stuff up without any sense that there could be a scientific explanation for it. I guess this might be why I'm not very good at writing fantasy.
Fashion Statements
On 15 Jul, 2012 By mpm
I was in my car, on the way back from a shopping trip to *cough* Whole Foods, when I spied a man and what seemed to be his female partner and their little kid. They were young, and he was wearing his jeans past his you-know-what, and that little litany began in my head, "why...?" Then, I realized something about fashion. Now I would say that I never really liked what is called "fashion," and I've never been one to be fashionable (I thought.) I realize what's true is that I don't like fashions from other people's subcultures.
We are tribal beings. We forget this all the time, but millions of years of evolution of primate behavior is not going to be erased in a few hundred years. I remember being at a geeky-activist-crunchy-granola lovefest last fall, and I was noticing people's shoes. And I was thinking, "wow, there are some cool shoes here." You know the types, Keens, funky Converse sneakers, Doc Martins, etc. It's natural for us to want to know that we belong to our tribe. Is the (mild) mohawk I now sport, or my "Eat More Kale" t-shirt any different than pants down the thighs? No, not really. My choices in clothes and shoes, though I tend to shop only when I am in pretty desperate need of a replacement to something, are all, really, a reflection of the fashions of my chosen subculture(s). I wear what people around me wear, and what people I want to emulate wear, even if I'm not exactly aware of that wish to emulate. That man's choice of how he wears his pants has everything to do with what tribe he belongs to, and what makes people of that tribe recognizable to each other.
Of course Fashion (with a captial 'f') is a bit of a different thing - but it is likely influenced by some subcultures, and influences others. But fashion (with a little 'f' - our clothing choices, if we are in a position to make them) is something that we all engage in, even subconsiously. So I'm going to stop that litany every time I see someone with their pants around their thighs, and just remember my mohawk.
Open Doors
On 06 Jul, 2012 By mpm
[I watch the fawn and it's mother, grazing in the short, scrubby, yellow grass beyond the house. They don't seem to mind our watching them, although they are wary. I wonder if we thought of them as tonight's dinner, would they notice? Would they skitter and jump into the trees just from the energy of those thoughts?]{style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; border-spacing: 0px; font-size: medium; "}
[I am acutely aware of my human-ness here. My body can't help but align itself to the energy of the land, since the land here is largely unmasked, mostly uncovered from the human surfacing of concrete, asphalt, metal and hewn wood. It's as though my body remembers what it is, and can't help but be aware of other bodies, other kinds of beings sharing this space.]{style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; border-spacing: 0px; font-size: medium; "}
[The quail family, mom, dad (with his spectacular, but little, crest) and little quaillets (as Ruth names them) walk all over this land, pecking at the ground, and surveying the territory, presumably for danger. The little ones follow closely, or even run a little ahead, but it seems they know not to stray to far from their parents.]{style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; border-spacing: 0px; font-size: medium; "}
[Spring has moved into full summer, the sun hot, shade still comfortable, and the insects make themselves known - a few looking for blood, but most moving from flower to flower, sipping on nectar, and unsuspectingly (or not?) spreading pollen to make new butterfly bushes, new jasmines, or new lavenders around the land.]{style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; border-spacing: 0px; font-size: medium; "}
[It is quiet here - so quiet that my thoughts are too loud, and I feel the desire to quiet them as well, so I can hear what it is that the land has to offer me. It's as if each day I live in meditation, my mind quiet, thoughts moving only occasionally, mostly I am just aware of the present moment, the brush of wind along my bare arm as I sit on the porch, the shush of the leaves as they move in the same breeze, the tiny, light footsteps of the lizard moving across the driveway in front of the house. ]{style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; border-spacing: 0px; font-size: medium; "}
[When I take the inevitable and necessary drive back into "civilization" (why is it called that?), I feel the human surfacing quickly increase, as I move from Sonoma, to Marin, and then finally to Oakland. My connection with the land grows dim, and I put up the numerous guards I have set across the doors of my soul to protect it from the overstimulation of people. ]{style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; border-spacing: 0px; font-size: medium; "}
[I do remember why I left land, why I left the open doors (literally and figuratively), why I left the free flow of quiet into my heart. I don't regret it one bit. There are ways it has fed me and given me a kind of healing only possible in places where there are more people than there are trees.]{style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; border-spacing: 0px; font-size: medium; "}
[I have come to realize that the incessant pressure of people, the loud booming music from cars, the gunshots in the night, the sirens and helicopters, the constant buzz and whine and the energetic assault of the sadness, desperation and anger of a million people has contributed to my illness, and forced me to put up so many internal walls that my life has become narrower and smaller than it should be. My time of closed doors may be coming to an end, and perhaps I must return to where the quiet flows freely.]{style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Tahoma; line-height: normal; border-spacing: 0px; font-size: medium; "}
What I'm working on now
On 26 Jun, 2012 By mpm
I figured I'd tell folks what I'm working on now. I'm about 30K words into the sequel of "The Right Asteroid," which I have playfully called a space opera. That novel told the story of a time, almost 100 years in the future, where there are all sorts of colonies and activities in the solar system, and a lone asteroid hunter named Max discovers an alien probe. The backdrop is a fight for Mars independence, a very old secret about an alien base on the Moon, and political intrigue on Earth. It tells the story of the near disasterous first-contact with an alien species called the "Kuroolians."
This novel, which hasn't been titled yet, is set about five years after the first. A narcissist name Zoetrope happens to run into another species of aliens - one the Kuroolians have encountered before. He uses them (or, maybe they use him?) to take over Ganymede. I'm still ironing out the plot, but two of my most favorite characters ever, Max, and John, a military man who does heroic things, are central characters. There are some other people waiting to have their stories told, like the rambunctious and slightly off-kilter woman who makes Pandora, a tiny moon in the F ring of Saturn, her home.
The series is called "The Cassiopeia Chronicles," and I'd bet there will be more than just these two novels, but I'm not sure yet.
I hope to finish this novel toward the end of summer. I also have in production "The Expedition" which is in the Casitian Universe series, as well as "The Right Asteroid." Both should be printed put in eBook format by the end of July. And, sitting on my hard drive is my half-completed novel that outlines the original capture of the humans from Earth in the Paleolithic age, who later settle on Casiti. I hope to pick that back up in the fall.
Have a Cup of Tea with Fear
On 03 Jun, 2012 By mpm
I gave this sermon this morning at First Congregational Church of Oakland.
Today's reading, from Romans 8, verses 12 through 15 (from the SENT translation) says:
"So the conclusion, brothers and sisters is this. We have no obligation to the flesh: we don't have to live in line with it. Because if you live in line with the flesh, you're going to die. But if you make the bad behaviors of the body die off with the Spirit, you are going to live. All of those who are led by the Spirit of God are God's children. After all, you haven't received a spirit of slavery that leads you into fear all over again: you've received the spirit of adoption!"
Paul talked about flesh in Romans, and so I'm going to talk about flesh. Really. In particular, a little part of your flesh called the Amygdala. The Amygdala is a small part of your brain that is the center of emotions. It's part of what is often called the "Reptilian Brain" because it's very primitive, and has been around for a long time. Over the course of evolution, mammals and primates built up all of these layers of what is called the "neocortex" - neo for "new." That's where all the sophisticated sensory processing and thought stuff happens.
Fear, in its essence, is a survival mechanism. When we get afraid, lots of things happen. Our heart rate rises, the blood is redirected from less essential areas, like our digestive systems, to the muscles. We secrete a couple of different compounds: Adrenaline, and Cortisol, both designed to make physiological changes in our body so that we have resources available to us to keep us alive. That's the "fight or flight" response - what gets us running or fighting when our lives are at risk. Fear is actually a good thing. Really. In an evolutionary sense, if we didn't have it, we couldn't have survived long.
The Amygdala is involved in this fear response, and, in fact, mediates a process called "fear conditioning." Fear conditioning is the process by which we learn to predict when events that might hurt us will happen. Again, evolutionarily, this was a good thing, but as you might imagine, it has real negative consequences in modern society.
How many of you have heard of the book "Dune"? It is a science fiction classic. It has a scene, early on, that I'd like to describe to you. A young man is given a test by a priestess. There is a box he must put his hand in. A box of full of pain. It will make his hand feel like it is being flayed. Also, after he puts his hand in the box, the priestess holds a poison needle near his hand, so that if he removes his hand, he will die. Nice test, eh? I'm sure most of us would prefer the SAT. Anyway, he's been well trained, and says in his mind, over and over, "Fear is the mind-killer."
So what does that mean, exactly, "fear is the mind-killer?" Fear is a mind-killer in the sense that it does have a way of taking over our mind. And, if you define the mind as what happens in the neocortex, it's true, fear is most definitely a mind-killer for good reason - we don't want to have to spend time thinking when being chased by a lion, tiger or bear. But the problem is that even when we aren't being chased, or in any danger at all, fear is still a mind-killer. I'm sure that you know this from personal experience - acting out of fear, for instance, in a relationship, or in an organization, is almost always a mistake - we can't think clearly in a state of fear. We can't act out of love or generosity in a state of fear.
How does acting out of fear really manifest itself today? It's in the small things, and the big things. A tiny thing that I deal with myself all the time - I can spend the entire trip somewhere (like into the city, or to some event) being afraid that I won't find parking when I arrive. That's sort of trivial, but it certainly can affect one's mood and attitude. Another one, more significant, might be saying something to a loved one that you regret because you are afraid of abandonment, or not letting a child do something fun for fear that they might get hurt.
But the truth is, in this society, we are fed a diet full of fear - and I don't just mean horror movies. We are supposed to live in fear that our neighbor has a better car, or a better kitchen, better hair, or a better spouse. If we didn't have those fears, capitalism as we know it might well collapse. We are told to be afraid of the aliens who come across the border to take our jobs, or the black men in hoodies who are supposed to be dangerous to our neighborhoods.
I know that we often talk about homophobia as hate. But in fact, science has now shown that it's actually more fear than hate. Fear of what? Fear of one's own desires. Those who are more actively, vocally, homophobic are people who themselves have unacknowledged homosexual desires. My bet is that people who talk about (and, sadly, preach about) putting gays in concentration camps, and killing us, are people who want to wall off their own internal desires, or kill the person inside of themselves that has those desires.
In this time in the Christian liturgical calendar, we've been talking a lot about the disciples, and what's been happening to them. Their teacher was executed, and any of his followers are considered suspicious. Any thoughts they had of Jesus being a military or political messianic figure has permanently become dust, and they are not sure what the heck they are going to do now that he's left them. I can imagine that they were very afraid. But they were clearly brave. Bravery is not at all the lack of fear. It is feeling fear, but doing the right thing anyway. It is not acting out of that fear - because acting out of that fear is really cowardice.
The truth is, we are often completely unaware of when we are acting out of fear, because we've been trained to ignore it, to repress it, or push it aside and to pretend it doesn't exist. Many of us have not allowed ourselves to feel fear in a long time. Or sometimes those fears have been mutated into kinds of avoidance, or unhelpful behaviors. We have many responses to fear, and, sadly, most of them aren't very useful. And many of us fear the feeling of fear itself.
So what does it really mean to "live in line with the flesh" or "be led by the Spirit of God?" Often Paul's passage is interpreted to mean all sorts of things about bodily functions, especially sex. For me, Paul's comment about "living in line with the flesh" is, about letting those reptilian-brain emotions, like fear or anger, determine how we act, and what we do. My general interpretation of this passage connects with the Buddhist concept of the "Three Poisons" which are greed, hatred and delusion, and they all have connections to fear.
Greed, in a sense, is both the desire for pleasure, as well as a response to the fear of loss of pleasure. We are afraid that we will run out of money, so we are always looking form more. Hatred is connected to the fear of something unpleasant. Delusion is holding onto a wrong view purposefully, perhaps because we are afraid of the truth. Thoughts fueled by these poisons are considered by Buddhism to be unwholesome. To me, "living in line with the flesh" as living life being fed by these poisons - and being "led by the spirit of God" means being led by generosity, love and awareness opposites to these three poisons.
Like most people, I never liked my fear. I didn't feel it often, mostly because I didn't allow myself to. When I did feel it, it was like going into a sort of a pit - I was afraid I'd never get out. Although I have always been able to take risks in my life, like leaving a comfortable life to go to seminary, and earlier than that, leaving a tenured faculty position to strike out on my own, I've always been afraid of my fears, and did my best to ignore them. Finally, though, I couldn't ignore my fears any longer. If there is one thing I have to say about the ability to live well with a chronic illness, it means getting really comfortable with fear.
I would not say it's been an easy process - and it is still a work in progress for sure. But there is a way that I am more free from my fears, now that I know them better. I think everyone can benefit from getting to know your fear, whether you are healthy or not - because we all have to deal with loss and death, and the fear that those things bring. We need to understand fear. It is in that process of understanding fear, and dare I say, befriending fear, that we can better know how to not act out of fear.
Back to the Amygdala for a moment. As I said before, it's an important component in the fear reaction process, and in fear conditioning. But science has also learned that meditators know how to modulate the responses of their Amygdalas. This is good news. It means that these responses can change - we can learn to live differently with our fears.
So I'm going to help you take a tiny baby step in this direction today.
Please close your eyes, and settle into your seat. Feel the support of the pew under you. Feel your breath come in... and out. Let any thoughts drift away with your breath out. Think of a situation that you know scares you. It might be being afraid of spiders, or heights. It might be fear of loss of a loved one, or fear of death. And if thinking of any of these things feels like too much, just notice how you feel in realizing that. And sense what's in your body. Perhaps you feel your extremities get cold. Maybe you get restless legs, or feel it in the pit of your stomach, or maybe it's something completely different. Whatever that feeling is, pay attention how the fear feels for a moment. Just notice it for as long as you can, and if it goes away, that's OK, try to remember even the brief feeling.
Next, I'd like you to thank your fear. Really. Thank it, be grateful for it. That fear of yours has helped you. Maybe it helped you to survive an abusive childhood. Perhaps it helped you to leave a damaging or traumatic relationship. It might have helped you get sober. It helped you avoid some accidents, or saved you from being more hurt when you were mugged. Helped to motivate you to make some change in your life. Your fear has helped you survive this life. Give it gratitude. Thank God for your fear.
You can open your eyes now.
After you've have gratitude for your fear, you can have a virtual cup of tea with it. Why? Because you need to know it better. The more you know, and understand your fear, the better you will be at seeing it when it happens, and seeing how you act around it. If you ignore it, and don't know it, you'll never know really when it comes calling, and what you do when its around. Sometimes, having a cup of tea with fear seems like not the right thing. Maybe sometimes you need to wrestle with it. But the wrestling should not be the kind of wrestling to try to push it away - it should be the kind of wrestling where you're watching it - seeing what it does, how it moves, and, in some ways, embracing it.
You can ask questions of your fear. Are you a little kid fear, born of a time when something happened to you as a child? A loss, or a trauma? Or is it more of an adult fear? Is this a fear of something real, or a fear about something that happened before? What do you need around that fear?
This is not a simple process. One day, you might be close buddies with your fear, and the next day, you might well forget what that fear looks like, or felt like, as you go about your day. But if you keep a commitment to awareness, slowly, but surely, you'll learn to recognize the fear when it arises, and be able to say, "Hey, fear. Thanks for being around. You can sit over here while I handle this." And as you keep getting to know your fear, insist on that cuppa with it. Encourage it to sit down with you, and teach you about itself.
In facing, learning about, and having a cup of tea with our fear, we are able to see the ways in which fear leads to unwholesome thoughts and actions, and this can make room in our lives to be truly led by the spirit of God - the spirit of generosity and love.
Mobility does not equal freedom
On 29 Apr, 2012 By mpm With 5 Comments
I was headed on an epic trip. I was, really. I have driven cross-country more times than I can count, and it is an activity I have much enjoyed in my life, although I know that is mysterious to many - it is an activity many do not enjoy at all. There is a way in which long-distance driving was a kind of emblem of my freedom to move about in the world - it was part of how I defined myself. I at times fantasized about being a long-haul trucker (but never all that seriously.)
I have, for the last year and a half, struggled with a chronic illness (chronic pancreatitis) that is not life-threatening, but has been very life-altering for me. I've had to reduce the hours I work, greatly change my diet and activites. I've become an avid fan of community acupuncture, because it gives me treatment I need that I can afford. I've learned a lot about antioxidants. Western medicine has nothing to offer me for this condition - it's not one that it can treat at all. I have been doing quite well with the modified life, and I assumed that planning a six-week cross country trip to visit friends and family, and go to Wiscon, would be within my abilities. I was wrong.
Two days into the trip, while driving through Death Valley, I got pretty sick, and had to turn back. Besides being sad and disappointed at mssing the trip I'd been carefully planning for weeks and weeks, I've had to go through a lot relating to how I think of myself - my own self concept. What's true is that I've struggled with this particular conundrum for a lot longer than this. I also have a "hidden" disability - a very arthritic hip, that limits my ability to do a lot of things - and that's been true for years, but somehow, losing this ability - the ability to drive wherever I want whenever I want to, has made me stare this in the face.
Of course, many people deal with this all the time - I've had it relatively easy in life. I can walk around, dress myself easily, do modest exercise, and make my way around the world in such a way as most people have no idea of what I struggle with. But as I get older, I'm learning that I can no longer equate mobility with freedom.
What is freedom, after all? Many of us think of freedom as the ability to do what we want when we want it - but that's a false sort of idea - because by that measure, none of us is truly free. Real freedom is an inner state - a state of being fully at peace with what is. We are free from aversion, or craving, or hatred - we are free from what binds us to suffering. We are free to live out, and manifest our best nature. That is the freedom I long for.
Losing mobility is a fact of life, whether it happens to us sooner or later. But freedom is always available to us.
Going cross-country again
On 21 Apr, 2012 By mpm
I'm leaving on Wed. for what I am calling my Epic Cross Country Trip. (Maybe it should be Epic Cross Country Trip, 2012, since it's far, far from the first one I've done. I've now lost count.) Here's my basic itinerary, for the curious:
- Miracle Hot Springs
- Death Valley National Park
- Grand Canyon National Park
- Sedona, AZ
- Roswell, NM
- New York, NY (family)
- Western Mass (friends)
- Northern Vermont (friends)
- Madison, WI (Wiscon)
- Home
The first leg of thetrip I'm taking with Ruth. I've never been to Death Valley, and I've haven't been to the Grand Canyon since I saw it at age 14, during a cross country camp trip in 1975. The rest I'm doing on my own. I'm excited, and a little scared. I'll be mostly camping, with my new cool tent, and staying with friends and family. If you follow this link while I'm traveling, you can see where I am (well, more acurately, where my phone is) in the country at any time. If you are a facebook friend, follow me on twitter, or friend me on instagram, you'll get to see photos and hear about where I've been and where I'm going. I'll also probably do a fair bit of blogging as well. I'll be working about as much as I usually work, so it's not really a vacation, but it is a chance to get out of my present context, see loved ones I haven't seen in years, and have my own sort of meditation retreat on the road. As you can see, there are also big gaps. I'm expecting to take I40 to I81 to get from Roswell, NM to NY. And I'm probably going from northern VT to Madison via my favorite foreign country (that would be Canada.) I also hope to finally check off North Dakota from my list of states in the Continental US that I have not been to. And, as a newly converted fan of community acupuncture, I'm visiting 3 clinics: One in Flagstaff, one in Northampton, MA, and one in Madison, WI. Nice to know I can keep healthy while on the road!
Is fear a prison?
On 05 Apr, 2012 By mpm With 1 Comments
This image is making its way around facebook, and on first look, I can see why most people feel like it makes sense. But I have been doing a lot of personal work around fear lately, and I have a different perspective.
I think that fear is a good thing. At its core, fear is a set of physiological, psychological, and emotional responses to external threats. It evolved to basically save our lives in the face of lions, tigers and bears (oh, my!) It is, in a sense, a protective adaptation. If we didn't feel fear, and respond to it, we would be in danger of not being careful enough.
I've been thinking of fear as my friend and protector, lately. I've been having virtual beers with my fear. Listening to it, and hearing what it has to tell me. I have deep gratefulness for the ways in which fear has protected me from harm over the years.
The origin of the sentiment in the picture though, is what happens when we actually don't listen to the fear, but follow it blindly, without question, observation or curiosity as to why it is present. Of course, if you are driving down the street, and some person runs a red light in front of you, following your fear blindly will likely save your life. But if you're standing in the kitchen with a loved one, for instance, following your fear blindly will likely lead to suffering.
We need to observe the fear, notice its presence, notice how it feels to us, notice what instincts it brings up in us. We need to acknowledge the fear, and work to listen to what it is trying to tell us. But we don't always need to follow it blindly, or let it take over. That's when we get imprisoned by it.
What I learned during my lenten fast
On 03 Apr, 2012 By mpm With 1 Comments
As you might recall, I chose to bite off a fairly big chunk of things for my lenten fast. And I'm bringing that fast to a close this week (sort of slowly easing into things rather than all at once on Easter.)
I learned a ton during this time, and I think much of it will take time to filter through me. I was unsurprised by some things, and surprised by others. I was a bit surprised by how much I missed hearing about people's lives on Facebook, but I was also surprised by how much it had become simply habit and entertainment. I wasn't surprised by how much extra free time I suddenly had, but I was surprised by how often I searched for entertainment, and looked for more visual stimulation.
I think that, above all, was the thing that struck me the most. I'm not someone who lacks for things to do. In fact, one of my long-standing habits is to take on more things, make more projects and have more ideas than I can possibly see through. I do see a lot through, of course, but still, there is always something I have on my list to write, or do, or create. I have no lack of things to keep myself busy and interested.
But it took a good long time for me to get out of the habits of being entertained, and back into the habits of doing things, or even just reading and listening to music, which are entertaining enough, really.
I realized the extent to which my brain was trained to seek out stimulation, and how it wasn't so happy when it didn't get enough. I think it will take me a good long time to re-train it, because I certainly don't want to continue to feel like I need the amount of stimulation that I had been taking in.
And I know that from now on, I'll be delving much more into why I want to watch something, or play something, or spend time on social networks. Is it just because I feel the need to be entertained and stimulated, or is there real, concrete meaning to it?
This is not to say that I'm not wanting to, or expecting to have fun watching things, or being entertained. It's just that I want to be clear about what the energy is I have as I'm watching. Is it just boredom and lack of impetus to do anything else? Is it that need for visual stimulation? Is it avoidance of how I'm feeling about something? Am I simply in a space to have fun?
It's that investigation, and being open and non-judgmental about what I find that is my task for ordinary time.
Same old, same old
On 20 Feb, 2012 By mpm
I saw an impressive movie a while back, called "The Economics of Happiness." It's worth seeing - it's a great film, with really important things to say about what kinds of things we need to change in our economic system so that people can be happy, and find meaning in their lives. So I was really glad to hear that they were doing a conference, with all sorts of cool people. I was excited! That is, until I found out that the conference costs \$300 (with, of course, discounts if you request them.)
And that's when I got dismayed, and thought to myself, "ah, this is just going to be the same old circle jerk."
Yeah, really. It's going to be the same, largely white, privileged audience, talking to each other, about this cool stuff, almost inevitably resulting in ideas that leave other people out, because other people are left out by design.
Now, of course, \$300 isn't a HUGE amount of money - it's not like going to TED or something. But it still requires a certain amount of privilege to cough up that kind of dough, and having to ask for a discount is, frankly, an automatic turn-off for a lot of people without means. (\$300 is, for your reference, more than a week's take-home for someone on minimum wage.)
And you might say, "But running a conference costs money. You have to rent the space, bring in the speakers, pay the caterers..." And you'd be right. Except what is this conference about? A radical restructuring of our economic system so that all people can benefit. If you're not willing to examine the privilege inherent in getting a bunch of people who can pony up that kind of money in order to attend a conference like that, how is it you think you'll change anything, really? If you're not willing to try something radically different so that anyone can attend no matter what their financial resources, then what's the point?
What I'll be doing for Lent
On 11 Feb, 2012 By mpm
Over the past few years, I have had an interesting relationship to Lent. As a Unitarian Considering Christ (or, as my spiritual co-conspirator Joellynn Monahan says "Universalist Chillin' with Christ",) Lent has never been about penitence. Growing up Protestant, and even in my brief flirtation with fundamentalism in my early adulthood, I never paid attention to it - I thought it was a Catholic thing. When I went to seminary, I was surprised at how many people actually took it seriously, so I began to think about what it might mean to me.
Jesus is my savior in the sense that I believe that what he came here to teach us can save me, and us from the results of our worst natures. But I don't believe the "Jesus died for your sins, believe in him so you can go to heaven instead of hell" thing. So the need for repentance and atonement (which I know are important spiritual practices) for me have always been disconnected from the idea of Lent, that time before Easter. For me, repentance is a practice that has to happen all year long. But I have come to realize that it is actually a useful thing (skillful means, in Buddhist terms) to have a time of year where you consciously decide to dig deeper, and connect with yourself, and God/Spirit/Wisdom/{your name for the Divine here}. I love that Atonement can also look like At-one-ment - and a time for that is a good thing.
So then I have to think: "What is it that causes me to lose my way?" Those would be the things I do that I need to focus on. Some years, I take away things. One year I fasted some days during Lent. Other years I stopped doing this thing, or that thing. One year, I stopped playing video games. A couple of years ago, instead of taking things away, I added something - I endeavored (and did pretty well) to add three parts of the Daily Office (in my case, morning, midday, and evening - I used Thomas Merton's Book of Hours).
This year, it has become increasingly clear to me that the barrage of incoming electronic information, and the ways I engage and respond to it is causing me to lose my way.
So, for Lent, from February 22, through April 8th, I won't be:
- Reading or posting on Facebook
- Reading or posting on any other social network (Twitter, Google+, Diaspora, etc.)
- Reading RSS feeds or Google News
- Blogging or reading Blogs
- Watching TV or movies on my laptop/computer/tablet/phone/etc. (no Rachel Maddow, sniff, sniff)
- Playing video games
This is kinda radical. And I am so looking forward to it - to finding out what happens, and to carve out that space. I will be reading email, and answering my cell phone and texts, so you can still be in contact, if you wish (besides, I still need to make a living.) And I'll still be cooking, so maybe, if you're in the Bay Area, instead of "liking" a Facebook post, you'll come by for soup. :-)
Next Steps: Writing Craft, Gift Economy, and Blogging
On 05 Feb, 2012 By mpm With 2 Comments
As you may, or may not know, I had a Kickstarter campaign to try and raise money to do a really nice professional cover, professional editing, and marketing for the fourth book in "The Casitian Universe Series." It failed, rather miserably.
I've had a love/hate relationship with book marketing ever since I started to think about bringing my novels into the world (well, honestly, it was 99% hate now that I really think about it.) I got swept up in this idea that I should spend effort and time with marketing to sell my books - something that doesn't at all come naturally to me. And, if I couldn't do it, I should hire someone else to do it (hence the need for the Kickstarter campaign, since I don't have that kind of spare cash laying about.) I read a ton of blogs and blog articles about 30 minute marketing, eBook marketing, 10 steps to a million copies, blah, blah, etc. etc. I hated to think about it, and I only managed to do a little.
In light of the failure of the Kickstarter project, I took a good hard look at the whole thing - my relationship to writing, marketing, getting my books read, etc. And in that look I realized that I'd been going about this the wrong way... for me. I was entering into a paradigm that wasn't the right paradigm that made any sense for me.
I've been a small business owner and/or an independent consultant for most of the last 14 years, and have always done only the barest of necessities around marketing myself (website, blog and business cards,) and I've done well enough. I've done well enough primarily because I spent a lot of time (and I still spend some time) paying it forward. I blogged about technology, giving folks comprehensive information and advice for free. I always gave away hours of consulting time, did free (or very low cost) websites, I always had really reasonable rates. I volunteered my time at conferences to give talks. I wrote articles for free. And it has been enough.
For some reason, I thought that it made sense for me to do something differently, more mainstream, with my books, but I know now that I was wrong about this. I knew enough about myself and my own philosophy about things to license all of my books with Creative Commons licenses, a form of paying it forward by allowing people to reuse and remix the work freely. But I didn't go far enough.
So, what's next, you might ask? Well, I have the answer, right here in this here blog entry.
First, I'm going to focus on my craft. I would like to work with an editor, primarily to make my craft better, and make it so that I can edit my work well in the future. I'm not exactly sure how that's going to happen, since editors cost money, but it is something I want to do. I will spend most of February and some of March editing my fourth novel, and publish it sometime afterward, with a very modest professional cover. I have two more complete novels that I will be editing and putting into production later in the spring and summer. I have a seventh novel that is currently in process that I hope to publish by the fall sometime.
Secondly, I have decided to give my books away. I'm changing the pricing for eBooks on Smashwords (which will propogate to other retailers) to free. On Amazon, I'm putting the first three books at \$0.99 (can't make them free on Amazon) and I won't publish any more on Amazon directly. I'll be giving away all electronic formats on my website. For paperback, I'll be pricing them on Amazon at their minimum, and I also won't be publishing anymore on Amazon. In addition, if people want to request paper copies, I'll give those away as well. There will be a nice shiny donation button if people want to donate, but the books will always be free (and, of course, still licensed with a Creative Commons license.)
Thirdly, I'm going to blog about writing, science fiction, and book publishing in the 21st century. (But, you might say, you already blog about that stuff! Exactly.)
Fourth, I'm going to stop reading the marketing blogs, and focus on what I know I'm good at: writing, and paying it forward.
Writing about Culture Clash
On 29 Jan, 2012 By mpm
A lot of people ask me about the themes present in my writing. Of course there are themes relating to gender, race, and sexuality - I'm not sure it would be possible for me to write fiction without those themes.
But if I were to identify the core theme in my writing - the one theme that is consistent throughout the 6 novels I've finished, and just about every novel that I have planned (more than a few,) it would be the theme of what happens when people of sometimes subtly, and sometimes greatly different cultures (and I mean that in the broadest terms - cultures of human beings as well as cultures of aliens) are brought together by necessity.
Here are some examples:
In the first three books of The Casitian Universe series, the primary culture clash is between the Casitians - human beings gone from Earth for five thousand years, having evolved a completely different society, and Earth humans. But there are also other culture clashes - a big culture clash within humans on Earth, as well as cultures of the Galactic Community. These are big - involving many people, and public.
In the fourth novel of the series, the biggest culture clash is small and individual, and not at all public. It is between a Casitian and US society in the mid-19th century. There is, described in that novel, the big, public culture clash at the time - between southern slave society culture, and northern culture that abhored slavery.
In the novel I just finished, it's all very different, since none of the societies that I describe are familiar - but it is a clash between two cultures, both conservative and tradition-focused, but they manifest that in completely different ways.
I enjoy writing about this - it's a big question for me in life in general. How do we learn how to encounter other cultures in such a way as to be able to accept those cultures for what they are, and not in any way decrease the value of our own culture, or denigrate what others do. It's an interesting challenge, for sure.
Interviewing Characters
On 02 Jan, 2012 By mpm
One of the things I like to do is interview my characters - especially those who aren't the protagonists - the ones who don't get much play. The novel I'm working on now, with a working title of "House Trageri", is new for me for a couple of reasons.
First, it is the only novel I've written from a single perspective. Everything else (5 novels now) I've written from multiple perspectives, so you get to be inside the head of several (or many) people. I chose to do this because I felt that this particular novel would benefit. I also did it somewhat as a challenge to myself - it makes developing other characters more difficult.
Second, although this novel is a science fiction novel (how it fits that is something you learn only quite slowly as you read it), it has a fantasy context (some may definitely liken it to Marion Zimmer Bradley's Darkover novels, although this is quite different.) I'm not a fantasy writer - but I like the fantasy context, and it's been fun to play in that particular kind of sandbox.
Anyway, here is the interview with one of the characters. His name is Master Garliri Serel. He is the teacher and protector of the protagonist. You can get a few hints about the book in reading his answers to the questions.
Here's the interview:
What is your hair color? Eye color? Skin color?
I have dark hair, like most in Trageri. I have dark eyes, and my skin is a light brown - the color of coffee with a lot of cream.
What kind of distinguishing features do you have?
I am tall, broad shouldered, and muscular. I have a scar on my cheek that I got from the war 25 years ago - one of the only injuries I suffered during that war. I came out the better, however - the one who gave me this scar got my sword in his heart.
Who are your friends and family? Who do you surround herself with? Who are the people you are closest to? Who do you wish were closest to?
I am pledged to House Trageri - primarily to teach and protect Daneli, Eldest and Queen. I was raised in House Serel, and go home often, but I am closest to those in House Trageri. I have made some friends, but my work is paramount.
Where do you go when you are angry?
Outside. I take a ride into the fields. It clears my head. Sometimes, I'll go into the gym and do a hard session of sword practice.
What is your biggest fear? Who have you told this to? Who would you never tell this to? Why?
My biggest fear is that somehow, I will fail House Trageri, and something bad will befall Daneli. I have told no one this fear - they would not understand. But it is a fear I live with each day.
Do you have a secret?
Perhaps that fear is my only secret. Otherwise, I am an open book.
What makes you laugh out loud?
Clowns. For some reason, clowns make me laugh - the way they act and what they do.
When have you been in love? Had a broken heart?
When I was 18, I feel deeply in love with a man from a low-status family in my clan. We had talked about finding a family we both could marry into, but then an Eldest from a high-status family in a different clan proposed to him. He chose that over an offer for us both from another family in clan Serel. I chose, then, to not join a House or family, even though I had several offers. I was too broken hearted to marry after that.
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Riding my horse, traveling from one place to another. Protecting Daneli, serving House Trageri.
What is your current state of mind?
I am calm and collected.
What is your most treasured possession?
My sword. It was forged in Warani - Warani has the best swordsmiths. It has a hilt wrapped in the finest suede - comfortable grip, and an edge that will cut paper.
What is it that you most dislike?
Dishonesty and duplicity.
Which living person do you most despise?
King Gasri of Warani. Dishonest, duplicitous, and manipulative.
What is your greatest regret?
That I could not save Queen Raliro's life - that I didn't see the assassination attempt coming.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
My fears, and the fact that I get seasick.
What do you most value in your friends?
Their honesty, their willingness to support me, and their senses of humor.
Which living person do you most admire? Why?
Master Wuron. He is strong, but sensitive. Willing to use force when necessary, but is always extremely careful, and considerate of all of the consequences of his actions.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
That I could be braver.
How would you like to die?
I would like to die a quiet death at home, alone, knowing that I did my best, and knowing that there was someone to carry on after me.
